You have cancer

October 9, 2009: If there was ever a day that I was on emotional overload, today was it. Today I got the phone call from my dentist. She received information from the hospital about the tissue sample and asked me to come into the office to discuss it.  Yesterday my car broke down and so I asked my roommate drive me.  Really the only thought in my head at this time is, hopefully this doesn’t take too long because I have way too much studying to do. The first exam in my anatomy course is on Monday, and I am definitely less than prepared.

The dentist came in holding a piece of paper and sat down next to me.  She said that she received the report on the tissue sample and then she started reading it aloud. I didn’t really understand what she was saying, as most of it sounded like medical jargon.  Then she said, “I’m sorry, I don’t know how to do this. I’ve never had to give anyone this bad of news before.” I felt my heart sink and had the immediate realization that something was very wrong. She continued to read from the paper.

The only words that I heard after that were “neural/neuroendocrine malignant neoplasm” and while I’m not a doctor I have enough background in medical terminology to know what this means. I have a cancerous tumor. I continued to listen to her as she apologized and gave me advice to contact an oncologist as soon as possible. She also wanted to make sure that I had someone who could be with me for emotional support.  I didn’t want to cry in front of her, or maybe I just didn’t want it to be real.  I thanked her for everything and told her that I would call the hospital as soon as I left. I walked into the waiting area and told my roommate that we needed to leave. As we walked out the door I could no longer hold back the tears. When my roommate asked me if things were okay, I sobbed and managed to utter the words “No, I have cancer.”

In the car I called my parents, and could barely hold myself together. I don’t even remember what I said to my mom, but I do remember what she said. “We are coming down there and we are leaving right now.” I know my dad was sleeping because it was mid-day and he was working overnight shifts. I distinctly remember hearing my mom yell, “David! David! You need to get up!” I assume that she informed him what was going on as soon as she hung up the phone with me. 

When I arrived back to my apartment I called my other roommate to ask when he’d be home. He was on a date, but this is a good reason to interrupt I think.  I tried very hard to keep calm and not cry, but he could tell something was wrong as soon as I spoke.  I didn’t want to give this news over the phone, but he asked so I told him. 

“Are you being serious right now?” he asked.

 My thoughts were this: What the f*ck? Of course I’m being serious. This isn’t a joke, who would joke about this?  Of course, I didn’t say that, I simply replied “Yes, I am serious.”

My roommate came home and we decided to watch a movie. We chose to watched The Lion King, and I’m not really sure why this was the movie of choice, but it did have me laughing quite a bit. My roommates tried very hard to cheer me up, even mimicking the characters Timon and Pumba during the movie and fastforwarding through all of the sad parts of the film. 

I was scheduled to work today. I knew that I would be absolutely useless at work, so I called the family I worked for to let them know I would be cancelling for the night. I explained the situation as briefly as possible and let them know I was unsure of what my work schedule would be like in the coming weeks.

I also had a haircut appointment scheduled for today, and instead of cancelling it I decided it might help me feel better. I figured that a good haircut always makes you feel better. Haha is that sound logic? Not sure. I couldn’t really keep it together for long periods of time, so naturally I had a mini-breakdown in front of my hair stylist. Perfect. Well at least my hair turned out amazing and cheered me up for a little bit.

Shortly after I arrived home from my appointment, my parents arrived at my front door. My mom looked like she had been crying the entire 2.5 hour drive, and my dad just looked sad. I went into coping mode and just wanted to find a solution. I called Mayo Clinic in Rochester to set up appointments, since they were the hospital that did the pathology report on my tissue sample. They had no openings in their oncology department for 3 weeks. I practically begged the receptionist to squeeze me in sooner, and after explaining that I had not seen a primary care physician and that my tumor was discovered by my dentist she found an opening with an oncologist for one week from now.

My parents stuck around for a few hours, but I asked them to go home so that I could get some school work done. They will be picking me up on Thursday and then we’ll go to Rochester together.

What an emotionally draining day. Tomorrow I have a study date with Britne at the Health Science Center. I am going to go so that I can at least attempt to pass my first anatomy exam on Monday.